WRITING Is My Second Job

Alternate Title:  
“My Baloney Has A First Name. . . . . .”

I often harken to that very old Oscar Meyer commercial, where the little boy sings: “My Baloney has a first name, it’s O-S-C-A-R. My Baloney has a second name it’s M-E-Y-E-R!” 

I call myself a writer by trade, but in reality, I currently don’t earn a dime for doing so. I’m am working towards that goal, however, in the meantime I must hold real job “to help keep skin and bones together” as my “late” Mom used to say. That means to pay the bills and stuff.

In “real life” I’m a “Vampire” because I work the “graveyard shift” or midnights. My “Real Occupation” is: a “Station House Clerk”. I work in a police precinct (which is called a Station House in police jargon) in “The Big Apple”. Most nights it is very quiet, and after I finish my work (at approximately 2am), I have time to plot, scheme and write. Either by hand in a composition notebook, or on “Mini-Me, my netbook.

My precinct or station house is considered a “hot house or active house”. Why? It happens to be smack dab in an area which has over 500 bars (Yes, you read right), thus the weekends can be absolutely nuts and crazy with paperwork.

We have a saying at my job: “Crime begets paperwork.” in a police precinct. The first thing the police must do when they arrive on a crime scene is to file a written report(s), which they then turn into the precinct for processing. My job as a Station House Clerk is to make sure this paperwork is properly sorted, and entered into the computer system in a timely matter in order to generate a reference or complaint number. This or these numbers are essential for the investigation to continue, if needed.

We have a strict system of triage (like hospitals) where all felony crimes (Homicide, Robbery, Burglary, Grand Larceny, Assault) must be entered first, and all misdemeanor crimes (Petit Larceny, Lost Property, Criminal Mischief, Lost property) must wait until later when I, or my fellow co-workers, are not so pressed for time.

Weekends are often extremely busy with bar fights, assaults, robberies, grand larcenies, and unfortunately, domestic violence. And don’t let there be a large event like a parade, concert, a playoff game, and above all, the New Years Eve celebration! Plus, the warmer months, Spring, Summer and Fall seem to bring out the worst of the criminal element. Just like John and Jane Q. Citizen who enjoys the warm weather, criminals love it too. Like on National Geographic, the lions follow the gazelle and wait for an opportune time. . . . . .

So often, I don’t get to do much writing if the paperwork is overwhelming. At home, I have very little time to write, because unlike my fellow compatriots who work during the day. I must retire to my coffin to sleep.

Of course, that last statement was purely tongue and cheek. My bed is far more comfortable. . . . . . . . . LOL!

So, how do I write? I content myself with stealing a little time here and there, in addition to my days off where I can write with abandon. In some ways, I’m glad im in this position because it teaches me discipline. When I have a window opportunity, I write like mad, and I’m content with that until I have another.

That’s my story.  


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